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Part 1 of Understand that any adult could be a child molester. There is no one physical characteristic, appearance, profession, or personality type that all child molesters share. Child molesters can be any sex or race, and their religious affiliations, occupations and hobbies are as diverse as anyone else's.
A child molester may appear to be charming, loving, and completely good-natured while harboring predatory thoughts that he or she is adept at hiding. That means you should never dismiss the idea that someone could be a child molester out of hand.
Know that most child molesters are known to the children they abuse. Thirty percent of children who have been sexually abused were abused by a family member, and 60 percent were abused by an adult they knew who was not a family member.
That means only 10 percent of children who are sexually abused were targeted by a total stranger.
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Know the common characteristics of a child molester. While anyone can turn out to be a child molester, the majority of child molesters are men, regardless of whether their victims are male or female. Some also have mental illness, such as a mood or personality disorder. The idea that homosexual men are more likely to be child molesters is a complete myth. Be aware of common behaviours demonstrated by child molesters.
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A child molester often doesn't display as much interest in adults as they do in children. They may have jobs that allow them to be around children of a certain age group, or contrive other ways to spend time with children by acting as a coach, babysitter or neighbour trying to help.
They might refer to a child as they would refer to an adult friend or lover. Look for signs of grooming. The term "grooming" refers to the process the child molester undertakes to gain a child's trust, and sometimes the parents' trust as well.
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Over the course of months or even years, a child molester will increasingly become a trusted friend of the family, offering to babysit, take the child shopping or on trips, or spend time with the child in other ways.
Many child molesters won't actually begin abusing a child until trust has been gained. Some may use others opinions around them to back up their trustworthiness in order to take children shopping.
Child molesters look for children who are vulnerable to their tactics because they lack emotional support or aren't getting enough attention at home or will try to convince the parents their children are safe with them and that they are not going far. The child molester will attempt to step in as the "parent" figure for the child. Some child molesters prey on the children of single parents who aren't available to provide as much supervision or convince parents that they are nice enough people to supervise without them.
These include: keeping of secrets secrets are valuable to most kids, being seen as something "adult" and a source of powersexually explicit games, fondling, kissing, touching, sexually suggestive behaviour, exposing a child to pornographic material, coercion, bribery, flattery, and-worst of all-affection and love.
Be aware that these tactics are ultimately used to isolate and confuse your child.
Part 2 of Find out whether sex offenders live in your neighborhood. All you have to do is enter your zip code and do a search, and you'll be able to see where child molesters might live. You can also do a search for individual names to see if a specific person is a sex offender. It's good to be aware of potential predators, but realize that it is illegal to take any kind of action against registered sex offenders.
Supervise your child's extracurricular activities. Being as involved as possible in your child's life is the best way to guard against child molesters. They will look for a child who is vulnerable and who isn't getting a lot of attention from his or her parents or will convince parents they are of no danger to their child. Show up at games, practices and rehearsals, chaperone field trips and trips out, and spend time getting to know the adults in your child's life.
Make it clear that you're an involved, present parent. If you can't be there for a trip or outing, make sure at least two adults you know well will be chaperoning a trip. Don't leave your child alone with adults you don't know well. Even relatives can pose a threat.
The key is to be as present as possible. Set up a nanny cam if you hire a babysitter.
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There are times when you won't be able to be present, so use other tools to make sure your child is safe. Set up a hidden camera in your home so that inappropriate activity will be detected. No matter how well you think you know someone, you need to take precautions for your child's safety.
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Teach your child about staying safe online. Make sure your child knows that predators often pose as children or teenagers in order to lure children in online.
Monitor your child's use of the internet, keeping rules in place to limit his or her "chat" time. Have regular discussions with your child about whom he or she is communicating with online. Be sure your child knows never to send pictures to a person he or she met online, or meet someone he or she is communicating with online.
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Know that children are often secretive about online behaviour, especially when encouraged by others to keep secrets, so you'll need to be vigilant about staying involved in your child's online activity. Make sure your child is feeling emotionally supported. Take the time to talk to your child every day and work toward building an open, trusting relationship. Child molesters will ask the children to keep it secret from their parents.
Ensure your children understands that if someone has asked them to keep a secret from you that it isn't because the child will get into trouble but the person who has asked them to keep the secret knows what they are doing to them is wrong. Express interest in all of your child's activities, including schoolwork, extracurriculars, hobbies, and other interests. Let your child know that they can tell you anything, and that you're always willing to talk.
Teach your child to recognize inappropriate touching. Many parents use the "good touch, bad touch, secret touch" method.
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It involves teaching your child that there are some appropriate touches, like pats on the back or high fives; there are some unwelcome or "bad' touches, like hits or kicks; and there are also secret touches, which are touches that the child is told to keep a secret.
Use this method or another one to teach your child that some touches aren't good, and when these happen, he or she should tell you immediately. Many parents define private areas as those that would be covered by a bathing suit.
Children also need to know an adult should not ask a child to touch anyone else's private areas or their own. Tell your child to say "no" and walk away if someone tries to touch him or her in a private area.
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More importantly, how do these places, with a clearly dying business model, sustain themselves? And why did they all wind up so close together?
It's a matter of zoning: Inwhen the city's new regulations for adult shops went into effectthe businesses were banned from residential areas. This sent many of the shops in Manhattan to areas zoned for commercial and manufacturing, including this part of Sunset Park.
There were a number of strip clubs not far off-most of which are now gone-so they had a bit of a seedy community thing going on. Many of the shops are owned by immigrants from Sri Lanka. Indeed, two stores include Sinhalese in their names. The clerks, too, when I went, were almost exclusively of Sri Lankan descent. The largest Sri Lankan population in the city is in Staten Island, which makes for a quick commute back and forth over the Verrazano.
The owners are elusive: I figured this wasn't like walking into a Starbucks with the expectation of seeing Howard Schultz. These are small, independent businesses, and you'd think at one point in seven days, making regular visits, you'd have one encounter with the head honcho.
But in trips to all of them, talking to dozens of counter workers, not a single one professed to know the owner. The answers ranged from the plausible, "This is my first day," to the laughable.
When I arrived that night, another said he always came in at "10 a.
One shop was closed at the appointed hour I was set to meet the owner, despite a sign attesting to its hour nature. On my third trip, the clerk at Golden DVD "best prices in 3rd Avenue"said the owner had "just" told him the shop was going out of business "tomorrow," after two days of my hectoring him.
It's still open, though I wouldn't be shocked if it did close tomorrow. With the redevelopment of this area of Sunset Parkthese businesses may all soon be gone.
Inwhen streaming video and online purchasing didn't exist, people couldn't get their porn any other way. The technological innovations of the past 15 years have obviously not been kind to the adult video store industry. At almost every shop, the people I spoke to said they averaged fewer than five paying customers a day. Whether changing hands to avoid paying taxes or rent, or rebranding to be more appealing, the businesses constantly turn over.
What was Blue Door Video in is now Video City. Nilwala Video in became Candy Hookah Love, with the exact same signage and colors, just a different name. Customers are few and far between. In the eight shops I visited over seven days, I saw scarcely more than 30 patrons total.
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I never saw more than one person in a store at a time. Only once did I see a patron make a purchase-a lone DVD at Video City.
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The customers aren't in the mood to talk: "I don't know anything about that," said one man, when I asked him why he had just been in a private booth, as he waved me off. Speaking of those booths: They are always "out of order," though nothing seems to be broken. When I asked about the booths in the back, how many people used them, or how they worked, I almost always got the same answer.
While each store has a sign out front explicitly advertising booths, the clerks all denied the booths were there.
At one shop, after being told there were no booths, I walked back to see the booths, then returned to the counter and said, "I thought said you didn't have them. That may have been because because the booths have a reputation as a spot where people can very discretely hook up. I must have seemed like a horny year-old, inquiring whether this was where I get the sex.
After a while you start feeling like the pervert: At Sunset Video, when I asked why anyone would still use a public-private masturbation booth like that, one clerk said maybe people can't do it at home. What had initially struck me as odd why leave your house to masturbate? made a lot more sense.